I have discovered the soon-to-be-newest fad in exercise programs. Trust me, it will be sweeping the nation. And just think, I'm letting you in on the ground floor.
The program has 4 easy steps:
1. Crash your daughter's square dancing class during line dancing time. If you don't have a daughter in square dancing, go to your nearest county fair, retirement home, or township singles night.
2. Grab the nearest toddler and attach him firmly to your hip. (I cannot stress the word "firmly" enough.) It is helpful to bring your own toddler or to ask permission before grabbing a random toddler off the street. I was fortunate enough to have Quarto pulling on my jacket saying, "Dance with me, Mommy! Dance with me!" No coercion or permission needed.
3. Commence dancing the Cotton-Eyed Joe. (Hang on to that toddler. He can really throw himself into those spins!)
4. Collapse into a breathless heap as soon as the music ends while the toddler yells, "Again! Again!"
That's gotta be good for at least 1000 calories, right?
Oh, and to add some entertainment to your workout (if you can possibly increase the entertainment value of watching 50 kids, ages 7-17, trying to do the Cotton-Eyed Joe in a room designed to hold 50 people only if they stand very still), wear a knee-length, medium-weight jacket with a heavy wallet in one pocket and a cell phone and key ring in the other. Then, place yourself immediately in front of an uncoordinated 6-year-old. Watch the 6-year-old duck and sway to avoid being clocked by your wallet or keys while trying not to take his eyes off of your feet. Trust me... this makes the chest pounding, unladylike perspiring and complete loss of equilibrium totally worth it.
Frodo and I were watching the eleven o'clock news on Black Friday (which Frodo was convinced was taped in advance since all the stories were rather generic with little to no detail and generally didn't seem very newsworthy... but I digress). The lead story was the required "look at all the crazy people who slept in front of the Stuff Mart to buy the new and improved Tickle Me 'Til I Pee Dancing Cockroach and Alarm Clock" story. I was doing fairly well tuning it out until I heard a woman interviewed say this, "I got some great stuff. I got this monitor. I didn't know what it was, but everyone else was grabbing one so I got one too."
What?!
This brings keeping up with the Jonses to a whole new level. I guess what really shocked me about this was not that this woman bought something because it was "cheap" even though she didn't really need it (or even know what it was). It was that she was admitting it to millions of people and didn't seem all that ashamed or embarrassed by it.
Repeat after me:
"I am only saving money on a purchase if I am buying something I was planning on buying anyway, but I buy it at a price less than I was originally planning on paying."
Now if this woman was planning on buying a monitor anyway and was sharing how happy she was to have saved 75% by buying it on Black Friday, I would have no problem with the story (except that I still find it hard to beleive that someone buying something at a sale is news). Frodo and I have braved the crowds on previous Black Fridays. I love going out the day after Christmas to buy my cards for the following year. But I was planning on buying those things anyway.
This woman isn't saving money... she is just spending it less quickly than she would have if she had been buying random, unidentified things she doesn't need at full price.
Our living room is small. We have always had small living rooms. Thus, we have developed a Christmas tradition of two trees. One in the living room (this is the "formal tree" with the pretty crystal, china and glass ornaments that looks all 'grown up' when it is decorated) and one in either the play room or the kids' bedroom (this one has the kids' ornaments, paper chains and popcorn strings). We had to replace our living room tree last year when our basement flooded and ruined our old tree that was stored down there. This year, we have to replace the kids' tree because it just plain-old broke.
I took Primo out to Wally World with me yesterday and went tree shopping. We looked through the trees on display then headed off down the aisle where the tree boxes are kept. There we found a boxed set of three "spruce" trees of various sizes (4', 3' and 2') that we hadn't seen in the display area... this should have been our first clue. We decided these would be cute in the playroom and would give each of the older kids thier own tree to decorate as they wished. Primo promptly offered that since her and Secondo's trees were bigger than Terzo's they would let Quarto put his ornaments on thier trees. Who could reject such harmony and Christmas spirit? We grabbed a box off the shelf, and Primo carried it to the checkout... this should have been my second clue.
As the kids were taking their baths last night, I decided to set up their trees as a surprise so that they could ooh and aah over them before bed then spend this afternoon after church decorating them. I opened the box and pulled out the first little tree. It had a very cute, wooden base... very rustic. I liked it already. I carefully unwrapped the cord to free the top then attempted to insert the top onto the lower section. This took a bit of muscle, but I got it on... and the tree looked terrible. Secondo comes in and squeels, "Yea! The trees!" After looking at it for a minute, she adds, "Maybe it will look better when you fluff it." So I begin fluffing. This tree refused to be fluffed. I thought maybe it was the tree, so I grabbed one of the smaller ones, muscled it together, and began to fluff... in vain. In the meantime, Primo had come in and asked to try the smallest tree. No amount of fluffing, bending, twisting, or grunting got those things to look like anything but pieces of wood with wire stuck with bits of green paper.
Aren't these the saddest excuses for Christmas trees you've ever seen?!
I don't have the patience or compassion level of Charlie Brown, but I do have a receipt. These sorry things are going back to the store tomorrow, and we will find a different tree for the kids.
I think that to find the "perfect" tree, I would have to use a real one, and although I would like a real tree, I have to face reality and admit that I am too lazy to water one. Plus, I have a three year old. If we had a real tree (especially one I wasn't watering), my house would look like Toddler Chainsaw Massacre. ("There are needles and sap everywhere! Oh, the humanity!") That said, I have to agree with the poet, Joyce Kilmer, only God can make a tree (especially one that looks good with Christmas lights and paper chains).
I saw this on a new blog I discovered today and thought it was a fun exercise. And to be perfectly honest, Frodo and I discuss this frequently (odd, maybe, but true), so I already have some answers for these mentally prepared.
Words that always look misspelled to me: their conscience (also reminds me of a movie line) asinine its (I always want to put in an apostrophe) congratulations (I blame Hallmark for this... conGRADulations, ugh) surprize/ surprise (both are correct but neither looks right)
Words I enjoy saying: predicate linoleum (Sesame Street reference) redemption
Words I enjoy hearing: Mom! I love you Hey, Sweetie bride Christmas homemade book sale
Abbreviations I dislike: lbs. (lub?) oz. (makes me think of wizards... small ones) X-mas .org (most people sound like they are trying not to barf when they say this)
Abbreviations I like: PPD (postage paid)
Proper nouns I enjoy: Mrs. Frodo (I still smile when I am addressed by my married name) Bilbo Baggins Lake Wobegon Scotland
Words I associate with happiness: children autumn books library Christmas church
Words I always misspell: asinine their misspell (ironic, isn't it?)
Words I enjoy spelling correctly, every time: congratulations conscience Wednesday
Words that, though I love their meaning, I’m too embarrassed to say out loud: Asperger's
Words I can never remember the meaning of no matter how many times I look them up: persona non grata (I know that this is technically a phrase, but I always think it should mean "thankless person" or "missing person")
inflammable (shouldn't this be the opposite of flammable; why not just say flammable and stop confusing me?!)
Words that sound like what they mean: phlegm spastic glutton soliloquy protuberance
Words that sound like something other than what they mean: this happens to me more with names than with words
What are some of your favorite words? Your least favorite?
Or Things About Me That Don't Come Up In Common Conversation
1. I won a blue ribbon in high school for square dancing.
2. I have passed out at the following locations: on a bus at Epcot Center in Disney World, in a Metro station in Washington, DC, in an Introductory Biology class in college, and in the cardiovascular unit at Washington Hospital Center in DC.
3. I was excused from a graduate school class because it was my anniversary, I was 5 months pregnant, and I showed up to class carrying a dozen roses.
5. I attended a live broadcast of America's Most Wanted (I was there for a class requirement to observe the collecting of caller tips for a graduate school class).
6. When I was a kid, I wrote a letter to President Ronald Regan asking for a picture of he and Mrs. Regan. A few months later, I received a photo of the President (machine signed) and a letter (suitable for framing). Frustrated that I did not receive what I had requested, I sent a second letter thanking the President for the photo but pointing out the error. A couple months later, I received a nice photo of President and Mrs. Regan on their ranch signed by both of them.
7. My mitochondrial DNA is part of the permanent research collection at the Armed Forces Institute of Pathology at Walter Reed Medical Center.
8. Those items I would categorize as "ideal framable art" would be: black and white family photos, homemade art, and gravestone rubbings.
9. I was once offered half-interest in a medical practice if I went to medical school.
Milton Friedman, recipient of the 1976 Nobel Prize for Economic Science, senior research fellow at the Hoover Institution, recipient of the 1988 Presidential Medal of Freedom, a hero of Frodo's, one of the strongest influences on my own political and economic philospohies, and arguably the staunchest modern advocate of Freedom (both economic and personal), died this morning at the age of 94.
A couple years ago, Frodo worked at the Libertarian booth at our town's annual street fair. The night before the fair, Frodo and I stayed up late making t-shirts for each of us and our kids to wear to the fair. My shirt bore a quote from Dr. Friedman:
Nothing is so permanent as a temporary government program.
Tax Freedom Day, the date on which we stop working for the government and begin working for ourselves, is said to have its origins with Dr. Friedman. He wrote in one of his 1974 Newsweek columns that the United States should have a national holiday called "Personal Independence Day" to celebrate:
...that day in the year when we stop working to pay the expenses of the government, and start working to pay for the items we severally and individually choose in light of our own needs and desires. In 1929, that holiday would have come on Feb 12; today it would come about May 30; if present trends were to continue it would coincide with July 4.
Sadly, according to Americans for Tax Reform, Dr. Friedman's prediction was all too accurate. In 2005, the group determined that "cost of government day" occurred in the second week of July.
In his bestselling bookFree To Choose, co-written with his wife, economist Rose Director Friedman, Dr. Friedman cements the connection between economic freedom and personal freedom:
Economic freedom is an essential requisite for political freedom. By enabling people to cooperate with one another without coercion or central direction, it reduces the area over which political power is exercised. In addition, by dispersing power, the free market provides an offset to whatever concentration of political power may arise. The combination of economic and politcal power in the same hands is a sure recipe for tyranny.
Dr. Friedman did not limit his defense of personal freedom to those areas obviously affected by economics, however. In the 1990 version of his PBS series Free to Choose, he makes clear his view on America's government school system and who should be in charge of children's education:
In regard to education, Dr. Friedman and his wife put their money where their consciences were and started the Milton and Rose D. Friedman Foundation for Educational Choice which supports parental choice in education through educational choice in the form of school vouchers... a concept Dr. Friedman originally introduced in his book Economics and Public Interest in 1955.
The rights that Dr. Friedman worked so hard to defend were not just those that benefited
the individual. He purported that total freedom includes not only the right to work to make one's self successful, but also to harm one's self. Man has the right to be stupid as well as to be wise.
"The reign of tears is over. The slums will be only a memory. We will turn our prisons into factories and our jails into storehouses and corncribs. Men will walk upright now, women will smile, and the children will laugh. Hell will be forever for rent."
That is how Billy Sunday, noted evangelist and leading crusader aginst Demon Rum, greeted the onset of Prohibition in 1920, enacted in a burst of moral righteousness at the end of the First World War. That episode is a stark reminder of where drives to protect us from ourselves can lead.
Prohibition was imposed for our own good. Alcohol is a dangerous substance. More lives are lost each year from alcohol than from all the dangerous substances the FDA controls put together. But where did Prohibtion lead? New prisons and jails had to be built to house the criminals spawned by converting the drinking of spirits into a crime against the state. Al Capone, Bugs Moran became notorious for their exploits - murder, extortion, hijacking, bootlegging.Who were their customers? Respectable citizens who would never themselves have approved or engaged in, the activites that Al Capone and his fellow gangsters made infamous. They simply wanted a drink. In order to have a drink, they had to break the law. Prohbition didn't stop drinking. It did convert a lot of otherwise law-obedient citizens into lawbreakers. It did suppress many of the disciplinary forces of the market that ordinarily protect the consumer from shoddy, adulterated, and dangerous products. It did corrupt the minions of the law and create a decadent moral climate. It did not stop the consumption of alcohol.
If the government is to try and ban private consumption of alcohol and tobacco, it must surely ban such activities as hang-gliding, skiing, rock-climbing and so on. Where should it stop? Rugby? American Football? Ice Hockey?
Insofar as the government has information not generally available about the merits or demerits of the items we ingest or the activities we engage in, let it give us the information. But let it leave us free to choose what chances we want to take with our own lives.
- from Free to Choose
Edward H. Crane, president of the CATO Institute, summarized Dr. Friedman's contributions better than I ever could:
Here's a guy who won the Nobel Prize in economics for his work in monetary theory and he was a great Chicagoan, a great empiricist and theoretician of economics. But ultimately, what Milton believed in was human liberty and he took great joy in trying to promote that concept....Milton would say, "Maybe I did well and maybe I led the battle but nobody ever said we were going to win this thing at any point in time. Eternal vigilance is required and there have to be people who step up to the plate, who believe in liberty, and who are willing to fight for it." ...In my view he was the greatest champion of human liberty in my lifetime, certainly in the 20th century. And he didn’t slack off in the 21st century.
The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty.
- Eugene McCarthy
When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
- Harry Truman
Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters.
- Daniel Webster
The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
Once more the storm is howling, and half hid Under this cradle-hood and coverlid My child sleeps on. There is no obstacle But Gregory's wood and one bare hill Whereby the haystack- and roof-levelling wind, Bred on the Atlantic, can be stayed; And for an hour I have walked and prayed Because of the great gloom that is in my mind.
I have walked and prayed for this young child an hour And heard the sea-wind scream upon the tower, And under the arches of the bridge, and scream In the elms above the flooded stream; Imagining in excited reverie That the future years had come, Dancing to a frenzied drum, Out of the murderous innocence of the sea.
May she be granted beauty and yet not Beauty to make a stranger's eye distraught, Or hers before a looking-glass, for such, Being made beautiful overmuch, Consider beauty a sufficient end, Lose natural kindness and maybe The heart-revealing intimacy That chooses right, and never find a friend.
Helen being chosen found life flat and dull And later had much trouble from a fool, While that great Queen, that rose out of the spray, Being fatherless could have her way Yet chose a bandy-leggd smith for man. It's certain that fine women eat A crazy salad with their meat Whereby the Horn of Plenty is undone.
In courtesy I'd have her chiefly learned; Hearts are not had as a gift but hearts are earned By those that are not entirely beautiful; Yet many, that have played the fool For beauty's very self, has charm made wise, And many a poor man that has roved, Loved and thought himself beloved, From a glad kindness cannot take his eyes.
May she become a flourishing hidden tree That all her thoughts may like the linnet be, And have no business but dispensing round Their magnanimities of sound, Nor but in merriment begin a chase, Nor but in merriment a quarrel. O may she live like some green laurel Rooted in one dear perpetual place.
My mind, because the minds that I have loved, The sort of beauty that I have approved, Prosper but little, has dried up of late, Yet knows that to be choked with hate May well be of all evil chances chief. If there's no hatred in a mind Assault and battery of the wind Can never tear the linnet from the leaf.
An intellectual hatred is the worst, So let her think opinions are accursed. Have I not seen the loveliest woman born Out of the mouth of Plenty's horn, Because of her opinionated mind Barter that horn and every good By quiet natures understood For an old bellows full of angry wind?
Considering that, all hatred driven hence, The soul recovers radical innocence And learns at last that it is self-delighting, Self-appeasing, self-affrighting, And that its own sweet will is Heaven's will; She can, though every face should scowl And every windy quarter howl Or every bellows burst, be happy still.
And may her bridegroom bring her to a house Where all's accustomed, ceremonious; For arrogance and hatred are the wares Peddled in the thoroughfares. How but in custom and in ceremony Are innocence and beauty born? Ceremony's a name for the rich horn, And custom for the spreading laurel tree.
Primo, may you have decades upon decades to grow, live, and love
and an eternity to bask in His Glory.
O magnify the LORD with me, And let us exalt His name together.
Someone on the WTM Message Board recommended this article when another asked about how to handle having children participate in the worship service. It clearly states the philosophy behind including children in the worship service while also offering helpful, practical tips. Here is a taste:
God-centered worship is supremely important in the life of our church. We approach the Sunday morning worship hour with great seriousness and earnestness and expectancy. We try to banish all that is flippant or trivial or chatty...
There are several reasons why we urge parents to bring their children to worship. But these arguments will not carry much weight with parents who do not love to worship God.
The greatest stumbling block for children in worship is that their parents do not cherish the hour. Children can feel the difference between duty and delight. Therefore, the first and most important job of a parent is to fall in love with the worship of God. You can't impart what you don't possess.
We have included our children in the worship service since Primo was a newborn. It hasn't always been easy. Children wiggle and yell and ask embarrassingly phrased questions at inappropriate times and at inappropriate volumes. "But how can I worship if I am tending to my children through the worship service?" you ask. I contend that you are worshipping while tending to your children. God tells us that children are a blessing (Psalm 113:9; Psalm 127: 3-5; Proverbs 17:6). He also commands us to worship Him corporately (Acts 2:1; Acts 5:12; Acts 15:30-35). Therefore, for the stage of life in which you have small (or not so small) children, you worship God by teaching your children to worship. Clinging to unrealistic visions of what worship is when you are teaching your children to worship alongside you will only cause you, your children, and those trying to worship around you to become frustrated and miss out on true worship.
Some tips that we have found helpful in involving our children in the worship service:
1. Draw pictures of the sermon for younger children or encourage older children to do so. This keeps them (and you) listening to what is being taught rather than disappearing into an imaginative world or counting ceiling tiles. (from The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Edith Schaeffer)
2. Allow children to sing, clap, and dance as they are moved to during times of music. Make sure that you sit in a place where you can minimize distractions of those who may have a different worship philosophy.
3. Sit in the deaf section if your church has one. Often, children can grasp concepts by watching the signs for complex thoughts and words even if they could not understand the spoken concept. An added bonus is that children's hand movements are tolerated more where others communicate and worship with their hands.
4. Do not be afraid to remove a child from the service if they are being disrespectful in their disruptiveness. (Every child is going to ask questions, and these should be answered as often as possible, but yelling or jumping around is not acceptable.) However, use this period of removal for discipline then return to the service, otherwise the child will think that he can get out of the service by being disruptive.
5. Pray for your children. Pray in the service, before the service and throughout the week that your children would serve God through corporate worship.
I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
These are all things I feel like I have been hit by in the last three days.
The whirlwind was Terzo's birthday party and was actually a good experience, not a bad one. Less like these destructive tornadoes and more like the twister in The Wizard of Oz that results in being surrounded by munchkins and just over an hour and a half of surrealism. I am always sorry to see the kids' birthday parties end because I have such a fun time planning them and watching them enjoy themselves. What a gift! Saturday, however, I felt myself fading quickly, and wrote it off to just being tired and went to bed early.
Enter Sunday morning and the 18-wheeler. I was so sick, I couldn't lift my head off of the pillow when Frodo tried to wake me for church. I slept until 11am then summoned up enough energy to slink downstairs, make some tea, take some medicine, then curl up on the sofa and go back to sleep.
This morning was an improvement. I only felt like I had been hit by a compact car (I can't decide whether it was a Chevy Nova or an AMC Gremlin, but it was defenitely an ugly compact car). Needless to say, I called a sick day today. I am still trying to figure out if I can count lessons in nursing and life skills. Primo dressed and took over potty training of Quarto, Secondo and Terzo got breakfast for everyone (all over the floor, but eventually everyone ate... not off the floor), and everyone very considerately kept thier death matches over toys and videos out of the living room where I was trying to nap.
Tomorrow I am hoping for a Mr. Bean mini-car day at worst. (Or maybe his nemesis car, it only has three wheels. Three wheels would feel less crummy than four, right?) As long as I can function to cover the three R's and get the kids to their respective Cub Scout and Keepers at Home meetings, I'll consider it a good day and count my blessings.
No, the banks aren't closed. There are no sales at the stores. The mail will still be delivered. But school is out. Well, our school is.
Today is a holiday because it is Terzo's birthday. He is six years old today, and in honor of the momentous occasion of his birth, classes were called off for the day, and Terzo was offered the opportunity to do whatever he wanted for the day. Now, we are getting ready for his party scheduled for tomorrow, so his choices were limited to something he could do at home, but within that realm, he had all the power. His sisters even did his morning chores for him (their idea, not mine) so that he could take time to choose what he wanted to do. He could decide what game we'd play, what movie we'd watch, what creation we'd make. So what did he choose? He chose to help me clean the refrigerator! And when he was done, he cleaned the kitchen floor (a rather practical and logical decision given all of the water he had spilled in the process of cleaning the fridge). When he had finished with the floor, he asked what else he could clean, and I told him that since it was time for lunch, he could pick a movie to watch and I would make lunch.
After eating, Terzo climbed into my lap (he's not too big for that, he decided) and we snuggled under a blanket and cried and cheered while Aslan, Peter, Edmund, Susan, and Lucy defeated the White Witch and brought peace to Narnia. About halfway through the movie, Terzo snuggled closer, sighed, and said, "Mom, I'm gonna snuggle you forever."
An entertaining and clever way to learn a short history of the Reformation. Enjoy... but beware, I now can't get the chorus our of my head! (I am impressed that someone could work the word "transubstantiation" into a song... and rhyme it!)
[Sung to the tune of "Supercalifragilistic-expialidocious"]
When I was just ein junger Mann I studied canon law While Erfurt was a challenge, it was just to please my Pa. Then came the storm, the lightning struck, I called upon Saint Anne, I shaved my head, I took my vows, an Augustinian!
Oh...
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation Speak your mind against them and face excommunication! Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation! Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!
When Tetzel came near Wittenberg, St. Peter's profits soared, I wrote a little notice for the All Saints' Bull'tin board: "You cannot purchase merits, for we're justified by grace! Here's 95 more reasons, Brother Tetzel, in your face!"
Oh...
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation Speak your mind against them and face excommunication! Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation! Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!
They loved my tracts, adored my wit, all were exempleror; The Pope, however, hauled me up before the Emperor. "Are these your books? Do you recant?" King Charles did demand, "I will not change my Diet, Sir, God help me here I stand!"
Oh...
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation Speak your mind against them and face excommunication! Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation! Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!
Duke Frederick took the Wise approach, responding to my words, By knighting "George" as hostage in the Kingdom of the Birds. Use Brother Martin's model if the languages you seek, Stay locked inside a castle with your Hebrew and your Greek!
Oh...
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation Speak your mind against them and face excommunication! Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation! Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!
Let's raise our steins and Concord Books while gathered in this place, And spread the word that 'catholic' is spelled with lower case; The Word remains unfettered when the Spirit gets his chance, So come on, Katy, drop your lute, and join us in our dance!
Oh...
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation Speak your mind against them and face excommunication! Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation! Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!
*short historical note: When Luther wrote his theses and was asked to recant his teachings in front of the Diet of Worms, he was heartbroken and pained... not defiant as this song, and many other sources, suggests. The last thing Luther wanted was to break from the Catholic Church. He loved the Church and wanted to see change within her in areas where he felt she had gone astray (namely, in the paying for indulgences... especially as the Church grew wealthy while its parishoners starved.)
